So in a change from all the fitness and personal training related posts, I’ve decided to do a tongue in cheek #minibreak survival guide for all those new couples out there embarking on new territory with a night or weekend away.
Let’s be honest, we all have secret single behaviour that we’d rather a new partner never saw. In that I’m making reference to most things that take place in a bathroom. A romantic night away is all well and good but nobody wants to take the shine off things with some pre-break toilet chat.
I have successfully held down a boyfriend for a few months – GO ME. This is impressive. A full time job, my family and brilliant mates, my new Personal Training career and a new relationship. I essentially do none of the above particularly well but I give them my best shot.
We have been on 3 #minibreaks, by this I mean I have spent the night away with my new partner in crime. We’ve faced and embraced a fair few new couple obstacles on each of these so here are my top tips for surviving (and enjoying) those first #minibreaks together.
In the words of Bridget Jones, “this isn’t just shagging, a minibreak means true love”.
Referring to it as a #Minibreak
A night away, whatever the context is automatically a #minibreak – preferably with a hashtag involved. All references to the night away must be done using the term minibreak and whilst on the minibreak everything should be referred to with ‘mini’ in front where possible.
All unacceptable behaviour is deemed to be ‘ruining the minibreak’ – here are some examples:
‘As if you just swore on our minibreak’
‘Your face is ruining my minibreak’
‘Did you just trip up on our minibreak? how embarrassing’
(You can have SO much fun with this one)
I mean I can’t be the only female here who essentially owns mismatched shorts and vest tops and calls these pyjamas? Sexy stuff looks uncomfortable, never mind how it feels. Underwear never stays on – in my experience. I also don’t know how anybody sleeps naked, I mean, what if there’s a fire?? I’ll be honest, still haven’t sussed this one out.
Are an essential item on a #minibreak, the excitement will lead to one too many glasses of wine or pints of Guinness and nobody wants to realise their new arm candy snores like a freight train. A bad night’s sleep is guaranteed to lead to your first barny and on a #minibrek there’s no escaping one other!
For the car, traffic jams and blokes do not mix. Feed him and play his favourite songs in an attempt to minimise strops. The saying the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is very applicable here.
I mean, is a #minibreak even a #minibreak if you haven’t made a playlist for the journey? Come on guys!
It’s awkward, in the time you’ve been together you’ve been sneaking off and pretending bad things don’t happen in there… when we all know they do. Unless you have some mad skills and can hold for anywhere from 24-48 hours, you’re going to need to be smart about this one.
I’ve read online some suggestions about putting nice smelling soap down the loo “before you go.” Or toilet roll to “reduce noise” or putting headphones in your partners ears and giving it your best shot in around 1 minute 30 (assuming they don’t get bored)
Want my advice? Of course you do. Time it well, crack a window and hope for the best. Or – accept that bad things happen and embrace it. Laugh about it even.
Self-service pre-paid breakfast. Let’s face it, you paid for it, there are no rules. Carb load to your hearts content. Might even help soak up some of the wine from last night. Diet starts on Monday.
So there you have it, my new couples guide to your first #minibreak - What could possibly go wrong? Good luck!!